Endymion

Ugh. Those paragraphs were powerful, I have to say. You've gone trough a lot, the mentioned friends are in my mind portraited as purely despicable. How anyone really go trough with doing that, I find hard to believe. Regardless of your request of no sympathy, I still do feel bad. What've happened to you is completely terrible, and I'm ensured you don't deserve it a bit.
Troughout my life, I've learned that if you keep your head high, it'll eventually turn out better in the end. Hope and optimism is two great things. Understandable how you, in your situation, would have problems staying optimistic, but regardless - give it a try. I wish you the best of luck in the future. Everyone that've posted before me, and after me, for that matter - cares about you, we wish you better. That way, you can't ever say no-one cares. Good luck.

Klavier

Yeah, ignore them. My friend actually punched some kid in the face for being mean to him (not saying you should do this though) and they left him alone. You need to ignore them. Don't let them control who you are. You control yourself. Be yourself.

Because if you're yourself, people can like you for being just who you are. Not if you're fake phoney. I've been through this with some girls and they were just so hard to talk to, it's unreal. I gave up and I hang around with not necessarily the cooler cats, but the people I can just be myself with.

It's not easy, but make that move and it's easy. Just maybe join a youth group, or a club and usually the leader of the club/group will put you with someone that would be good for you. They did that with me in judo class when I first joined and trust me, it's a good way to make new friends. (;

Hopes this helps. (;

Rai

just try to understand that life sucks. try to do something fun for yourself. go out of town and meet new people who don't know you very well. find a friend with the same problem and talk to each other.

Astro Star

If anybody tells you to just get over it, you have my complete understanding that it's not that easy. Because if it was, it would be a done deal, and you wouldn't be in the position you're in right now. I understand how completely angry you are, how frustrating it is to even want to get out of the house. Why anybody would be your friend just to turn around and take advantage of you is low. This is what I understand of your statement, and the fact that it's compounded by your personality, I'm sure, makes it that much harder. I'm not afraid to tell people anything about my life, because we can all relate. I can relate in the manner that I'm terrified of men around my age, and younger. I can't approach them because of how often I've been harassed by them while growing up. It's a little easier than it used to be, but one mean word out of them, and I lock up. I'll hide my face, wear baggy clothes, and become the most self-conscious human being alive. It's not the same, exact experience as you, and maybe nowhere close, but I do have a similar aversion to people as you in that regard, it seems. Even if not, I can still put myself in your shoes.

Know this, though. Everybody's experiences may be different and seemingly impossible to be replicated by others; however, it's not always the experience as much as it is the pain. Everybody's pain is the same. The pain each person feels is as great as another. It's too subjective to measure. This means that we all feel as hurt as you as we live through life. So in this, many of us can relate to you, many more than you realize.

I'm saying this out of observation; I know several people in my circle of relatives and peers who, no matter what they do or where they go, end up attracting the same people, over and over again. One of these persons in my life continually attracts untrustworthy partners. Why this keeps happening is because they are focusing on the terrible aspects so much that they're blind to anything else, so they find only those types. I have a suggestion to you to avoid finding similar people. This is probably going to sound distant and cold due to my natural manner of communication, hopefully not, though. I'm quite compassionate about it, though I really am not trying to sound stale.

If you want to find decent friends who won't play head games with you for a laugh, or who don't have any other quality even distantly uncomfortable to you, then you focus on the very opposite of what you're afraid of. What about yourself do you love the most? Figure that out, and look for that quality in other people. If you don't love yourself enough, then that may be part of the problem. Stop your mode of thinking before you attract similar people; if you hate yourself, find yourself unattractive or unworthy of friends for any reason, this is going to appeal to the wrong crowd, and it's going to leave you vulnerable. Your guard is up, of course it is. It's up for a good reason, but not to dwell on it. Think of it like a shield. On the outside of the shield is a strong barrier, but that's just the outside. On the inside, is a mirror, reflecting the person hiding right back to you. The outside of the shield is there for you to remain protected in the meanwhile of you reflecting on yourself and finding, and recovering, your virtues and self love.

In no way am I trying to be arrogant when I say this, but just for personal experience purposes only and for inspiration, I've looked for, and found, the best in everyone, online and people I see face-to-face, despite my hellish experiences growing up. I used to hate myself because of how others perceived me, but somehow, I over came the worst of it. I love myself to death, I refused to accept being the weaker, the way people wanted me to be, and I don't allow people, not even friends who may think it, to push me around, not for my looks, my attitude, nothing. I make sure my presence commands respect. People who simply want to abuse me have no place in my circle of friends. You can also do this. It's possible for everyone to do this.

That's just the broader scope of it, though. All you need to do is remember to love yourself first. I don't know you at all, not one bit, and even though you're anonymous, I very much care about your well being, as a stranger. I love you as much as I love my family. I can't stand it when people suffer.

If you must rage and vent, get it out.

Noddingdog

Take heart.

As for your past friends: firstly, my sympathies.

Then, I'd encourage you not to be moved or shaken by the cruel words of those whom you formerly considered your "friends". It's at times like these that you discover who your friends really are, and you have to be strong when they just leave you like that.

A good friend is a hard thing to find, but that doesn't mean you should give up. Remember, the best way to find a friend is to be a friend - and once you find a true friend, it's like having a valuable diamond or pearl. They won't betray you, they'll always be on your side and they'll NEVER kick you when you're down.

Then, as for your main issue, it's true to say that I've never experienced what you're experiencing, but - no matter what you're facing - we have some common ground.

Why's that?

Because, just like you and everyone else out there, I have had some not so good traits in my life that I've had to deal with. I've done so successfully, and you can do the same.

How do you do this? It's not so difficult, friend. You're already on the right track.

You see, your mind; your brain, is only a computer. Like a real computer, it will respond to "programming". If you program it a certain way, then it will think and behave just that way.

There's a simple example of this - if you believe you can do something, like beating your best time on the 100-metre dash, and you really believe inside, with all of your heart, that you can do it, then you'll do it. If you don't believe in yourself, though, you'll never do it!

Why is that? It's because the brain can only work with the "programs" it has. If you tell it that it can do something, it'll do it! If you tell it that it can't, then likewise it won't.

So how does this apply to your situation? Well, that's not so difficult.

You simply need to reprogram your mind - to retrain it, if you will.

Whenever you get a thought that tells you "I'm sad", or "This is a chore", or "I'm an empty shell", or anything else like that, just say NO!

Wipe that thought out, and replace it with "I'm happy!" "This is fun!" "I'm full of life!"

You might be going along, just eating your dinner or doing some normal task, and a thought pops up - "I'm just a game"... Just say NO! Then, replace that thought with "I'm a winner!"

As you continue to deny those thoughts any of your time, you'll find they appear less and less. They'll start to tail off, and instead of feeling down all the time, you'll start to feel good! Things will start to get better, and look up!

All of a sudden, instead of chugging along with the "I'm down" program, now your brain will be running the "I'm a winner" module! And do you know what that means? It means YOU'RE a winner, too!

Don't let thoughts get you down, friend. You are in control of your life, and YOU decide what happens! You're not acting by fighting these things - you're taking control of your life, and making very clear who you are, and what you will be!

Don't ever get discouraged or feel down because you don't think it's real - like you're kidding yourself. The real truth is that "kidding" yourself is the single best way of CHANGING yourself - for good! It only takes so much programming, and the brain will come right back into line and start thinking the way you want it to again!

I wish you all the very best in your life, and encourage you to take courage, to shut out negativity, to think and act positive, and to life your life to the full. You'll be back to normal and flying high before you know it!

Regards,

NDA*D007
General of the NDA

♦IceBeam

Hey, the people you can trust the most is your family. Finding good friends is hard. I understand. A friend always sticks up for each other. They shouldn't leave you hanging like that. Also, always think about the positive aspects of a problem. If you kep thinking negatively you won't want to do it. Think of life as fun and happy, not a chore and being boring. As I said above, talk to your family about how you feel. Family will ALWAYS be there for you.

♪Hεrmε§

There must be another person out there who feels sorry for you. A person like me would know what your going through, and help you and be a very good friend of yours. Never give up, it's not the right choice.

allein

XD wow! just like me.....literally...at least on the internet

if you want people to know you, you must let them know who you are. right?
although i have not done it myself, just reveal yourself. regardless of what happened in your past, you can make new friends here on this forum. you have nothing to fear in simply letting others welcome you. in time, its up to you if you want to let them get to know you. you'll know who you want to be close with.


everyone is depressed and feels like they are worthless sometime during their life. its up to you to want to stop feeling that way. only you can be the one to completely "fix" yourself. the way to do that is to at least try to have another start. just talk to people. if you really want to change, you'd do everything in your power to do it.

the past is the past. now the present is what you want it to be.

★narutouzumaki

Sad that you made false friends that didn`t care about you.:( Friends are people that care about each other and will protect each other and step up for other too.Its hard to find Friends,Its really hard to make some.The best way of making friends is getting out of your house and go somewhere else like walk around the streets or mall.Be yourself.If lucky you might be able to make some friends.Also what about you family that raise you.Those people will always love you.So you have some friends already.So your not lonely.

GS*Korchie

^^This.

You may think you're an empty shell, but you are so much more than that. An empty shell would feel nothing after all of this. It pisses me off that your friends would do something like that to you. I really hate the way kids act sometimes.. I really do. When they are older they will see what they did was wrong, but in the mean time forget about them. Just because you have a road block that most don't (Asbergers) doesn't mean you can't have friends. It may find a lot of looking but you will find them. Even if they are a little older than you, or even a relative (cousins maybe?).. or hell, you said you are a known member on here.. mkw.com friends can count as friends too, right . and hey, if you ever want somebody to talk to.. I'd listen.. I don't bite .

Also, you said you were seeing a doctor but it wasn't working out well. Maybe try talking with your parents about seeing a new Dr.?

Keep your head up