Okay, I know this isn't really a Mario-related fan fiction, but this is the only section on the site that I figured this script-formatted series could be posted.
This is my attempt at political humor. Since I do not see the Obama administration poked fun of enough on TV comedy shows, I decided to start this. Comedians refrain from making fun of Obama because they say that there is not much funny about Obama and that it's too early to come up with material. I say, they're lazy.
This is not a dark age for political comedy. The Obama administration is actually pretty easy to make fun of - just as easy as it was to make of the Bush administration - that is, if you keep within clever satirical standards.
I posted a thread awhile ago asking why comedians refrain from making fun of Obama. People offered lame excuses. I would hope this series defies those lame excuses and offers at least adequate humor.
Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, alarmed by the headlines in the newspaper, rushed to President Obama’s desk to share the news with him.
Gibbs: Mr. President, sir, I’ve got terrible news!
Obama: I thought I told Miley Cyrus to stay away from my family! Have her killed!
Gibbs: No, sir, it’s – better than that.
Obama: Oh, thank God. It’s just a missile headed right for us.
Gibbs: Lay off the pills, sir. They’re messing with your mind.
Obama: Quiet, Hillary. God is talking to me.
Gibbs: Ah, yes. The Bush syndrome. I’ll come back later.
Obama: I see bananas.
Later that day…
Gibbs: Are you better now, sir?
Obama: Yes, we can!
Gibbs: All systems are go. Anyway, Mr. President, I wanted to talk to you about your approval ratings.
Obama: Ah, I know. Aren’t they great?
Gibbs: Actually, sir, they’re now below fifty percent.
Obama: Say what?
Gibbs: I never thought it would happen, but the latest poll shows that your approval rating is approximately forty-seven percent.
Obama: That’s not too bad. It’s just a slight majority.
Gibbs: Touché. You’re still more popular than the former president.
(Awkward silence.)
Obama: Clap, damn you!
(Gibbs claps.)
Obama: Good boy. Now go on about how great I am.
Gibbs: You are the best president ever. I love you so much.
Obama: I love you, too, Robert.
Gibbs: Sir, we have to talk about this.
Obama: I’m sorry, but you have to understand that you and I are just not meant to be. I love Michelle, and I always will.
Gibbs: No, no, no. Your approval ratings.
Obama: What is this, Fox News?
Gibbs: Sir, your approval ratings have been dropping at a steady rate since the day you became president.
Obama: Oh, yes, but a presidency is measured by what gets done, not how popular it is.
Gibbs: How very true, sir, but we must figure out what we can say or do to gain back support.
Obama: Are you questioning me?
Gibbs: (reluctantly) No, sir, the economy is getting better.
Obama: Good boy.
Gibbs: We’ll see you later then, sir.
Obama: Farewell, Robert.
A few hours into the night, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton paid a visit.
Hillary: Hello, Barack.
Obama: Evening, Hillary. What brings you here?
Hillary: I just wanted to spend -
Obama: More taxpayer money? Great idea!
Hillary: No, I want to spend some time with you.
Obama: You know, Hillary, I have a lot of things bugging me.
Hillary: Me, too. You know that whole thing about that one guy asking for my husband’s opinion at my conference and me getting angry about it? People just won’t get off my back.
Obama: It makes your spine hurt, don’t it? I told Joe and Nancy no more piggyback rides, but do they listen? No!
Hillary: Listen, that’s not what I meant. It just really annoys me that someone asked me for my husband’s opinion when I didn’t know it, I gave an angry response, and now people are all up in my junk.
Obama: See, this is why I won the nomination. You gotta keep it coo.
(Pigeon flies in.)
Pigeon: Coo, coo.
Obama: Go away.
Pigeon: Okay then.
(Pigeon flies away.)
Hillary: Did that pigeon just talk?
Obama: You’re old.
(Hillary is silent.)
Obama: It’s not your fault, Hillary, dear. You just hear things.
Hillary: Can we please talk about my situation?
Obama: Go on. I’m listening.
(Not.)
Hillary: What is wrong with what I did? It’s not as if I can channel my husband.
With a smile on his face, and glee in his heart, Vice President Joe Biden walked in ever so happily.
Joe: Hey, guys, what’s up?
Hillary: I’m just talking about my life, but Barack here won’t comfort me.
Obama: Hey, I’ve got problems of my own.
Joe: Barack, buddy ‘ol pal, what’s going on?
Obama: My approval rating is below fifty percent.
Joe: Hey, it’s better than mine.
Hillary: Hate to brag, but mine is sixty-six percent.
(Silence.)
Obama: How are you doing better than us? I beat you in the primaries.
Hillary: Let’s just say –
Obama: You’re old.
Joe: What he said.
Hillary: Joe, you’re older than me!
Joe: Oh, am I?
Hillary: Yes!
Obama: We can!
(Silence.)
Obama: Clap, damn yous!
(Hillary and Joe clap.)
Obama: Good bureaucrats.
Hillary: Just one suggestion.
Obama: Yes, Hillary?
Hillary: At the risk of sounding un-liberal, maybe you should tell Congress to give all the unused stimulus money back to the taxpayers.
Obama and Joe: Booooo!
Hillary: It would boost your approval ratings.
Obama: It would what?
Hillary: Boost your approval ratings.
Obama: Now we’re talking.
Joe: But what if it hurts the economy?
Hillary: It would help because –
Obama: You're old.
Hillary: That’s it. I’m leaving.
And just like that, Hillary was gone. Her husband Bill comforted her later, but eventually passed out from her nonstop rambling.
Obama: Joe, could this get any worse?
Joe: I have to admit, people are not shutting up at those town hall meetings on health care despite what you said.
Obama: Oh, we’ll find a way to silence those right-wing nut jobs.
Joe: Senator Gene Green had the perfect plan. Simply don’t let people who want to voice their opinion inside. Demand to see their ID, and shut them out if they don’t live in the exact location you are speaking. That’ll learn ‘em!
Obama: Hooray for free speech restriction! Hurrah, hurrah!
Joe: I just gotta get off that truth serum addiction I have.
Obama: Until that happens, don't talk in public.
While Obama and Joe created more plans for silencing town hall protesters, the Republicans were plotting their very own sinister schemes at the Top Secret Republican Headquarters.
John Boehner: We have to convince the rest of America to get on our side.
Ron Paul: Maybe the Democrats’ plan has a lot of flaws, but we definitely need reform. I prefer a free market solution.
John Boehner: You just don’t learn, do you, Mr. Paul?
Ron Paul: I’m never going to go away.
John Boehner: God, help us all.
Eric Cantor: We can’t actually let the American people know that we don’t want reform. We have to propose “alternative” solutions.
Tom Coburn: Why fake when we can propose something honest and decent?
Ron Paul: Seriously?
John Boehner: Um, maybe because we’re politicians.
(Applause.)
Tom Coburn: Are we forgetting my universal plan? Something that would not have health care run by the government, yet available to all people?
John Boehner: Yeah. We’ll continue to pay lip service to it, bub, but it won’t work. Nationalized is the way to go. We just have to avoid using that word.
John Cornyn: Coburn, your plan sucks!
Ron Paul: Maybe we just want the so-called bipartisan agreement that both parties pledged to make. I don’t see that happening.
John Cornyn: Socialist!
John Boehner: Commie!
Michelle Bachman: True conservative!
(Silence.)
Michelle Bachman: I’m sorry. That slipped out.
John Boehner: Whose side are you on anyway?
Tom Coburn: Listen, guys, this is getting way too out of hand. When did we become so stubborn and divisive?
Ron Paul: Why can’t we all be friends?
(Crickets.)
John Boehner: I never thought I'd say this, but the GOP is screwed.
To Be Continued…
Last edited by MichelleHeart; 08-16-2009 at 02:10 AM.
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