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Mahta, Land Of Might
 
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06-17-2008, 12:08 AM
  #11 (permalink)  
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Excellent, it seems to flow very well. Of course it requires more perfecting but it is really good. I'm glad you decided to write a story.
 
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06-17-2008, 02:30 AM
  #12 (permalink)  
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I just read through your first two chapters... VERY nice work, I must say.


It's very descriptive, so it makes it more interesting since you feel a little more "involved" with the story. I look forward to the next chapter.
:]
 
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06-17-2008, 06:03 PM
  #13 (permalink)  
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Yay rino people like it! i feel so happy :)
 
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06-18-2008, 05:33 PM
  #14 (permalink)  
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I told you they would, with your story and my descriptive words and grammar etc. it'll turn out great. By the way, I fixed up the third chapter for ya. It sounds much better now.
 
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06-18-2008, 05:41 PM
  #15 (permalink)  
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A name for chapter two?
Chapter 2 - Distress
 
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06-18-2008, 05:46 PM
  #16 (permalink)  
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Hmm... that could work, what do you think Jikek?
 
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06-18-2008, 06:31 PM
  #17 (permalink)  
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QUOTE:
Originally Posted by Christal View Post
A name for chapter two?
Chapter 2 - Distress
thank you i needed a name like that.
 
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Chapter 3
 
 
06-18-2008, 06:46 PM
  #18 (permalink)  
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Chapter 3: A History Lesson

Koren awoke again. This time it was night. He looked out the window and saw a bird, most likely a crow, but he was not sure.

“All will be revealed.” What could that mean?" Koren thought too himself.

Suddenly the door opened slowly, and Ken, his dad, walked in.

“I see your awake,” Ken said.

“Yes I just woke up, why are you here so late at night?” Koren replied.

“I need to teach you something Koren,” Ken said in a stern voice.

“Shoot” Koren replied.

“As you know we live in the land of Mahta. It is a land of three races,”

“THREE?! There are only two! Orcs and Elves!” Koren interrupted.

Ken continued, “There are three, you do not know this Koren but there is a race that looks a lot like us. They are much weaker in power of course. They are called Humans, and they are wandering in Orc territory.”

“Is that why Orcs attack here? They think we are Humans!” Koren interrupted again.

“Please! No more interruptions!” Ken told Koren in a louder more demanding voice. “Yes, you are right. Orcs attack us because they think we are the Humans. Humans as I have told you are trespassing in Orc territory. They are taking Orc babies from villages. They wish to make them grow up on their side so they can have more brute strength in their race. Humans live on the western side of Mahta, and that is why you have never heard of them before.”

“So Humans are the evil ones, not Orcs?” Koren asked.

“Yes, Orcs are a friendlier species we believe. Their rash decisions are what we believe is bringing them to attack us.” Ken answered.

“So why do we fight the Orcs instead of trying to tell them that we are not Humans?”

“We have tried before, and it always failed. We tried capturing them and telling them, tried ending a battle and telling them, and we even tried surrendering a battle and telling them! Nothing ever works, because Orcs are too stupid.” Ken told Koren.

“Why haven’t the Orcs noticed that we are not Humans?”

“They think that since we are close that we are so close to their villages that we are the ones raiding, and then fleeing.” Ken replied.

“Oh, I see. Do we know anything of the Orcs?” Koren asked knowing the answer would be yes.

“Not exactly, Orcs themselves we do not know much of, but I will tell you what we do know.” Ken said. “Orcs live in the center of Mahta, in the rugged mountains of Poer. Orcs are as you know much stronger than Elves, but they are much slower. There sheer size is why it is hard for us Elves to fight them. Orcs believe that power will always win. That is why they constantly make tougher weapons, and make their muscles stronger. Orcs are mostly green, but we have noticed that when they are older they grow a brownish color. Orcs have different symbols and different hairstyles depending on what class of Orc they are.”

“So there are classes of Orcs as well?” Koren asked.

“Yes just like Elves there are classes of Orcs. We do not know exactly which sign means which class, but we have noticed that there are many more classes of Orcs then there are of Elves. Besides this, there is not much that we know about Orcs. They are a strange species based on war and power,” Ken said

“So if Orcs and Humans are enemies the do Elves have any enemies?” Koren asked.

“Elves are a peaceful race. We do not like either the Humans or the Orcs but we do not go into battle with them unless they attack us first,” Ken replied.

“So now that I know about Orcs and Humans what about Elves? Is there any more I should know of mine own race?” Koren asked.

“Elves are agile as you know. We live on the eastern side of Mahta. We live in the dense forest of Pais, and us in the village of Eterni. There are of course more Elven villages in the forest of Pais, but Eterni is the most populated city. Elves are smarter than other races, we are known for our archery skills, but as many do not know we have one other power….” Ken stopped speaking.

“What is our other power!” Koren yelled.

“Magic,” Replied Ken.
 
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06-18-2008, 07:16 PM
  #19 (permalink)  
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Nice.
I love things like this-very final fantasy style
 
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06-19-2008, 02:07 PM
  #20 (permalink)  
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QUOTE:
Originally Posted by Baby Alex! View Post
Nice.
I love things like this-very final fantasy style
thats what i was mainly giong for. Also alot of things are named for a reason. Poer,Mahta,Eterni etc.
 
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