Nice story. I'm enjoying it a lot. It is well-written, but I have a couple words of advice for you to improve your writing.

First, try to use less commas. I use them almost in every sentence, as do you. Really, that's not the proper way to write. Try reducing the amount of commas you use, and especially don't use them for comma splices.

The second thing is just a minor issue. I noticed a few mispellings in there. When you write the next chapter, try checking closely for any punctuation, captilization, and spelling errors.

But besides that, you're good! Nice piece of work! I look forward to the next addition to it.